Well, Ain’t Just That the Catgirl’s Pajamas?
Butler’s Gulch, NM – Now, now, y’all, hold yer horses… why, this ain’t the kind of dust-up for a gunfight or a cancellation, fercryinontumblr. I know that out here, on the frontiers of the discourse, we may be simple, peaceable folx, unwillin’ to start drama unless it’s over something serious – yes, Bill, like our water rights, or yes, Kai, like Steven Universe shipping ethics – but the fact remains that them big-city types have seen fit to, ah, delegate to our little corner of non-denominational-positive-post-living-space, well, a bit more... authoritative oversight.
You finepeople, and Jared, who is a koala, may have noticed I am explicitly not referrin’ to this here new sheriff in question in... specific terms.
Well, that’s because… ___’s been through the desert on a horse, with no pronouns.
The, ah, sheriff, that is. The horse, I believe, uses she/they.
Yep, y’all’s ears ain’t deceiving you. (Well, potentially you, Vanessa; I do hate to break it to ya for the seventeenth time but I’m pretty sure your Kickstarter bucks for Mr. Officer and Mr. Truffles weren’t gonna pan out even if you hadn’t given them folk Confederate dollars.)
Our new sheriff uses the pronouns ___/___s, which I have on good authority are, well, not pronounced at all. These are very explicitly not to be confused with Guadalupe Ted’s pronouns, ʔ/ʔs, which are pronounced like a glottal stop; yes, Guadalupe Ted, we love and appreciate you and this ain’t no vaguepostin’ ‘bout the Kombucha Shortage of ’19. That was not ʔs's fault, now, y'hear? Now, can we please keep the hollering to a minimum, y'all?
Whereabouts was I… right. So, we will not only be greeting this here incoming officer of justice and order as a community of welcoming, honorable, law-abiding gay criminal leftist disasters, but under no circumstances will we be misgenderin’ ___.
That means no “theys,” no “xes,” no “he slash shes,” and if I hear any one of you bandits utterin’ an “it,” evil clowns are the least you should be watchin’ out fer, y’hear?
And that goes doub- Yes, Bill, I’m aware the character’s name was “Pennywise,” thank ya kindly. Right. And that is going to be especially impor- Okay, Bill, I am in fact aware of the concept that Pennywise weren’t really a clown, and he was more’f an eldritch abomination type figure. Moseying on along, if even one of you- No, Bill, I’m not questionin’ yer book-smarts on the topic of the oeuvre of Stephen King, but the fact remains that Pennywise did indeed manifest as a dancin’ clown for much’a the events of the book, films, and, indeed, even the miniseries, and I do believe it to be the being’s most recognizable form. Thus, I reckon I'm justified in my assertion that "It" is, in fact, in the colloquial sense, an "evil clown."
So, as I was say- Bill, it ain’t that I reckon you're a "yeller-bellied liar of a fake Stephen King fan,” but aint’cha missin the redwoods for the pines with this whole“manifestations of the entity” digression? I ain't no fancy big-city literary analyst, Bill, but ain't the central theme of IT really more along the lines of the way we, as youngins, revisit the def inin’ traumas and tarnations of our lives as growin’ cowpokes?
No, Bill, I don’t, not for a corn-poned second, think The Stand surpasses IT in that regard, and you- Oh.
I see.
Alright, Mxter, if you wanna bring up the ending, then you better be prepared to discuss it like you mean it. You do?
You ready to fight like a man, woman, non-binary individual, and/or system? Very well... six-guns, pool noodles, Nyquil Chicken, or- six-guns, got it.
Seein' as thistown ain't got no Reverend, on accounts of both being too small and our institutional disdain for organized religion, let's do this quick and dirty. No, Omar, that weren't no slight at Shia Islam, in advance; though come to think of it, I suspect he mighta been deactimavated ever since the Ban-Wave of '24 anyhow.
My apologies to those of weaker constitution gathered here today, and, as is customary, Minors Fuck Off. Now, Bill, turn and fifteen paces. Eleven… twelve…thirteen… fourteen…
Draw, cumslut!
There, y’all see that? Bill’s gone to the same place Vine went all of a sudden, and it’s because tempers just ain’t what they used to be around here! We need this sheriff, don’t’cha get it? At this rate, without ___, why, we’re no better than… than animals!
Oh shit. Jared, wait, come back, I didn’t mean that. Aw, confound it, can’t someone in this two-horse town put together a wellness check on their own? At least bring them their paws…
